


there it is, beating away

by budd



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crush at First Sight, Denial of Feelings, Diary/Journal, Episode: s03e08 Motel Review, Episode: s03e09 The Affair, Episode: s03e11 Stop Saying Lice!, Episode: s03e12 Friends & Family, Episode: s03e13 Grad Night, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, POV David Rose, Pre-Relationship, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27983205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/budd/pseuds/budd
Summary: David writes a journal entry of each of his interactions with Patrick through their first kiss. Each chapter is written from David's perspective and the title of the chapter is which episode it corresponds with.
Relationships: Alexis Rose & David Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Stevie Budd & David Rose
Comments: 8
Kudos: 53





	1. Motel Review

I'm not sure why I immediately assumed the guy at Ray's—the name of who I still can't quite remember—was shutting down my business. Maybe it was a defense mechanism for my mother telling me her and dad purchased the patrons to my galleries back in New York. Maybe it was out of hope that if I projected my feelings of worry onto someone else it would justify my anxieties and eventually diminish them altogether. Maybe it was the fact that he was undeniably cute and I wasn't prepared to meet someone so... earnest today. Is earnest the right word? I'm not sure, but it was difficult holding back a grin every time he smiled at me. As awful as I feel for taking him along with me on my journey through a rotten motel joint, he's quite the catch and I'm glad I had an excuse to spend more time with him, but who fills out the incorporation papers for someone he's barely known for two hours?! That I still haven't managed to figure out, not that I have much figured out, though. 

You know, I'm very grateful Stevie talked me off yet another ledge earlier, too. Granted the work was 98% done by the aforementioned weed, but she knows. I don't know how she does it, but Stevie Budd always knows. Sometimes I hated that fact, it's annoying having someone know so much about you. I was thankful for it today, however. I don't know when I'll see Patrick again, I just hope it's soon. I'm not sure why my desire to see him again is pulsing at the front of my brain, unable to move, but there it is, beating away. 


	2. The Affair

These last couple days have been... a lot and I owe a majority of that to Alexis. If she could just keep her hands off my products—our products, it still feels like a fever dream that I have a business partner now—for three seconds I would be overjoyed at this point. I thought it would be fun to work with her on setting up the store, but I underestimated the power of a single and enrolled in a high school business course Alexis Rose which was a mistake on my behalf. Speaking of Alexis, I didn't appreciate the spontaneous Patrick-induced gestures and conversations largely because I think she was right. I am not confirming or denying, however, the way he said "Oh, I'm gonna get the money" really set something off in me. What exactly he set off is to be determined at a later date though, I just know I felt a spark, like the initial light of a fire. Was it a romantic spark? It's possible although it's _very_ possible it's just platonic, too, because having a crush on your business partner isn't exactly professional. Also, he has awful taste. There is no way I can be feeling non-platonic feelings towards someone who thinks a shiny silver frame matches a sand and stone color pallet, AKA an offence that should be punishable by law. It was such a selfless gesture nonetheless and I appreciate it immensely. He is just a generous person who happens to have an undeniably cute smile and a contagious laugh. That's all. Right? It has to be all.

The more I think about it, the more I realize maybe Alexis was right when she sneaked an OK symbol behind his back to me as he walked into the back room. Just maybe Patrick Brewer was okay. That's it though. A generous man with an undeniably cute smile and a contagious laugh who may or may not be okay was all Patrick Brewer is and ever will be to me.


	3. Stop Saying Lice!

Fuck Stevie Budd. Is this a harsh way to start this entry? Oh, absolutely, but I will scream it from the rooftops because she, once again, saw right through my cover, my I don't have feelings for Patrick Brewer cover and the only reason I avoided staying with Patrick last night was out of fear that he too would see right through it and I would embarrass myself in front of him. Last time I wrote about Patrick, I was in pure denial. Denial to the point where I had the audacity to say he was just... okay. Patrick Brewer is the furthest thing from okay, but this doesn't mean I'm going to act on my aspirations to be with him right away. I don't want to lose the potential empire we're creating because I can't keep it in my pants. Sure, there is a chance he likes me back—"likes me back", what is this, middle school? There is a higher chance that he doesn't, and that's enough to stop me. Some people are good people with solely unromantic intentions. Some people like to direct compassionate gestures towards their business partner without the desire to date them. Some people enjoy being around someone because they are _friends_ and friends don't need to get together in order to be friends. 

I hate the thought of us just being "friends" forever, but until I am 100% without a doubt, no questions asked positive that these feelings of allure are reciprocated, I will not be making a move on Patrick Brewer. I don't want to lose him, he means too much to me. Perhaps it's too early to say this, however, if there is ever a day where I don't get to see his charming smirk, it will be marked down as one of the worst days of my life. Patrick Brewer is a good person.


	4. Friends & Family

I felt something today that I haven't felt with Patrick yet; my feelings being reciprocated. For how little time we've known each other, I'm surprised at how well he knows me. I don't know very many people who watch YouTube tutorials on how to write a lightbulb for someone, but alas, here Patrick Brewer is. Generosity aside, there was a ping in my chest whenever I would catch him looking at me from across the store, the sort of ping that you can't help but smile into. The sort of ping that makes you stop and realize what's right in front of you. Patrick is what's right in front of me. 

The tension in our hug was magical. It wasn't a bad tension, more of a pining tension, like that hug was exactly what both of us needed without me nor him knowing. Will I make a move? Still not quite, it could've just been a fluke. I don't think I have ever felt that amount of desire in a hug before, though. I'm not one necessarily known for hugging people, but regardless, the desire was intense on each side. Until I was in his embrace, I wasn't aware of _just_ how badly I need to be. Had I thought about it before? Several times, although I never expected it to be quite as special as it ended up being. 


	5. Grad Night

So... I kissed Patrick. Part of me feels guilty for not catching on to the fact that his little "Birthday dinner" was a date, but for the first time in a long time, I'm grateful for Stevie. Now that I think about it, I've never said those words aloud before. If I didn't invite her—which I did initially out of fear similarly to the lice situation—I'm sure I wouldn't have kissed him, so maybe my anxiety was a blessing in disguise.

In my years upon years of hook-ups and attempted relationships, I have never been _this_ happy to be with someone, which is promising. At the end of the day, I don't want to see Patrick get hurt. I've had that effect on people in the past, it's the last thing i want to inflict onto him, though. 

I didn't anticipate I would care so much about the person who borderline harassed me for the entirety of our first meeting. I didn't think I would respect the person who teases me at every waking second and is just as big of a troll as Stevie or call him a _nice_ person. 

That being said, I don't plan on telling him any of it out of fear of being laughed off the stage. I'm not exactly the type of person who lets people in. I carry around an intense amount of emotional baggage from my past, too much for me to carry God forbid someone else. 

At the end of the day, I hope I'm not too much for him. I'm easily replaceable, something that's been proven time and time again by every person in my life, but I don't want to have to replace him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was on the shorter side, but I hope you guys still enjoyed it nonetheless. Feel free to comment with your thoughts, I love hearing from you guys!


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